Well got the endstops working on my own.
for anybody having similar issues,
I grounded the shielding on all the endstop and z probe cables and after ordering a trifield meter to test for efi, I moved the duet and pi to a more shielded location with some metal between them and the stepper motor transformers.
hope this helps someone in the future.
an aluminum, case for the duet would probably be a good idea,
Wonder if a 3d printed case from some ferromagnetic fillament would work for shielding.
the duet seems to be more sensitive to noise than my old controller was